el arbol.

we both took things from him.
hers are just a bit more worn on the outside.
the alcoholism the blind fury.

i've got little bits of his hidden psychoses.
the ones that are there for minutes at a time when he talks to himself, circling the kitchen. the ones that make him thrash in his sleep. whatever it was inside him that made him say, "the family that kills together, dies together. and they all get into their little black moods."

it'd make me fear him if i didn't go there myself, sometimes.

and i know when She passes, most likely from lung cancer or emphysema, he is going to go into a fierce plummet. there will be darkness and there will be blindness. we're all going to go down.

let's not talk about this again.

what would it be like if jared leto had a tail? the talented, beautiful, versatile lead singer/actor/walking portrait with another extremity. and i'm not talking about an easily manicured tiger striped three foot exotic tail, as we've seen in sci-fi movies used as an additional layer of attraction. i'm talking about a nasty, hard to maintain, impossible to remove freak of nature tail. the kind that looks like a skin tag that wouldn't quit.

what would u do then, ladies?
what would u do.


i'm just trying to even the field.

call it travel, but we were there.

sometimes, i feel like i didn't move to florida at all. sometimes i feel like it was all a cover up for a suicide attempt. some days i feel like i'm being handled with care. people not wanting to let the wrong thing slip out. a fact here or a hint there. keeping the charade in place. come to think of it, there hasn't been an uncomfortable silence since i've been back. so you're all locked and loaded, then? well that's all just fine.

i think about who might have found me; put the whole thing in place. maybe i laid down one night, while i was drying clothes and decided not to get up again. got caught up in a fever, decided to take the whole thing apart. i'm no immune. i crack like we all crack. and sometimes, it's dying or killing. constructing an ending in someone. writing someone out. it comes not a lot, but just to be sure.