seedig bale.

things have been shaping out to be a little bit more timelined/streamlined.

we leave on friday (about five days from now) and head to Her brother's house/apt. for a day, which is only about four hours away. we then finish the rest of the trip to west virginia and get there in time for Easter. i think, from there, my stay lasts until the first week of may, at which point i then depart, again, for the rest of the drive to NY. i then find a job, and work for several months, trying to save some money for the haul west, which looks to be some time before the end of august.

that's the ideal version.
let's see how real life toys with it.

and, by the way, in one of the greatest surprises of my entire life, my favorite cartoon short of all time, "I Love to Singa," is actually on the Happy Feet DVD. i found out by just browsing the special features randomly. it's definitely the simple things.

anyone who wanted one of those mix CDs, i'm sorry i haven't gotten it out to you. management has scheduled me horribly for the last few weeks i've been here, and getting to the bank has proved impossible, let alone office depot. they're coming.

(de)parture

Well, at least the wait is over.
We're getting out of here in less than two weeks. If all things go according to plan, that's less than 10 days. Something like 9 days, actually.

It's actually believable now, as opposed to those wishes that despite your grandest effort, you can never seem to make true. We all have one.

Things are a little bit more complex than they were at first, though. Really, it all started with just a move up north to West Virginia. I wasn't entirely FOR this idea, but went with it anyway.

I'm in love with her.
That's why.

But the other night, she introduced me to a week old idea that she gave birth all on her own. Maybe if I went to WV with her, and just existed, worked, saved money, and hungout with her and her mom and sister, I wouldn't be all that happy. Maybe that'd ruin morale. Maybe we'd suffer more from that than anything else we could make happen on our own. Maybe we'd be farther away from everything we knew for longer than we've ever been before.

maybe.

So, as of today, circa 3:30am, the decision was made to come back to LI at the end of April, after spending some time in WV with the future family-in-law (and possible adopted pet/son). Then get a job. Or jobs. And save money amidst the things that I know. And then, in June, she'll come in to see me. And after that, I think I'll be gone again. Well, I know I'll be gone again. I'm just not sure when I'm going to be ready to get on and get out.

Because we're going West, so we might need a lot of money. And that's going to be the beginning again, just us, and maybe a dog. And we'll have to furnish our whatever, wherever we go.

Hopefully somewhere where it's easy to steal the internet. Because right now, it's proving impossible to get online, from my normal vantage point. I hate this little game that me, and the air plays. It used to be easy, then it got hard, then it got easy again, and now it's hard again. Damnit. And now it's easy again.

I got some albums last night:

• modest mouse - we were dead before the ship even sank
  
• chimaira - resurrection
  
• the snake the cross the crown - cotton teeth
  &
  
• kaddisfly - set sail the prairie

Plus, yo, Hot Rod Circuit comes out tonight, so I may pick that up at midnight. That is, if I'm out of the TMNT Movie. Or Shooter. Tonight's a solo night, so I have to find something to do while Dave is sick. Tomorrow night, I'll be heading over there for what MIGHT be the last time, which is very sad. I don't think it will be, but it just might be. Dave has BEEN florida to me. And he's the reason I was here in the first place. But I bet we'll just be doing the same stuff as always, which never ceases to keep me very happy. Video games, movies, and horrible horrible imaginary characters.

I sent people things that I've written, and I heard nothing back.
Saaight.



I realized I haven't put new pictures up here in a while, so that's what's going on with the overabundance in here. Those are taken in the now now. You are seeing me write this blog in those photos.



And I think the B&W is just a phase.
It'll pass.

total trash.

i planned to update this twice before. one time about my history of drinking and non drinking. another time about the same kinds of stuff it's always been about. this time, it seems that i want to update just for the sake of having said that i've said something.

megan left and the apartment is all ours. it's sad, because this place has been my home for about as much time as the place in jade winds was (5 months). it doesn't feel that way, at all. being here for ten months doesn't feel right either. it doesn't seem that simple; just a number of months. but it is the goddamned truth.

we're leaving south florida for uncertain territories, sometime between today and april 19th. we'll be out of the state and on our way north towards west virginia first. and then i think we'll head to NY for a little while as well. from there, it's all money saving, as always, to see where the new destination will be. well, money saving while i try [keyword: TRY] to find something more career oriented elsewhere. we're thinking west coast. something like california, or arizona. texas has come up, as well. i'd even do chicago. maybe more north. like toronto.

well, the list of states that we agree on looks something like this:
Incontiguous:
Alaska
Hawaii

West Coast:
Arizona
California

Midwest:
Colorado
Texas

Northeast:
Maryland
Massachusetts
New Jersey

The states we've left out are Alabama, Arkansas, Delaware, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan, Minnesota, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. All the rest, we couldn't agree on completely.

There are things I'll miss about this city, like it's 98% consistent warmth, palm trees, never harsh breezes, and Dave. The view from our balcony is definitely one wortth waking up for. While it is humble, it's still something that I doubt I'll have the opportunity to see on such a regular basis anymore. I'll miss being this close to the beach at all times. I'm not one for sunbathing, but as a place to think or converse, it's pretty hard to beat. I won't miss the people, or the constant tourism. The horrible drivers. The terrible musical tastes. The nonexistant music scene. This just isn't a place of culture. It's like the trophy wife of the states. all it ever had to do was exist. it never had to do anything but look beautiful.

i'm looking forward to getting out of here, but i'm not looking forward to our indefinite stop in west virginia. i'm hoping i can handle it. it really was one of the worst places i've ever been to when we went there for christmas, and while Justine's family was one of the most welcoming, hands down fun group of people to be around, i'm just not sure i can handle a full serving of that place day in and day out. jesus. just thinking about it makes me nervous. she has shelves and tomes of pages of history there. people, places, things, memories. the very real sorts of things that will drive a creative mind up the wall. but i've put someone through the same sort of thing. someone came straight into my life and lived where i'd lived for a good few months. it really happened. and to ask justine to come to NY just to make me comfortable is selfish. it is, no matter how you try to make it straight in your head. it's just not going to happen that easily.

so, we'll see how it all goes down. i'm hoping smoothly. the whole "rat race" thing is sort of coming into view for me. i'm not sure it's exactly in the same way that it's meant to be, metaphorically, but it works for me, regardless. the possibility of coming to the end of a labyrinthine hallway and having to turn around and start all over again is getting very real for me.

can't say i didn't try.

i bought some CDs today. Brazilian Girls' Talk to La Bomb, Sonic Youth's Daydream Nation, and Silversun Pickups' Carnavas. The first and third ones are albums I already knew I liked. The second is from a band I've always wanted to try to listen to, and eventually got around to sampling. They're not awesome, but not bad either. I don't understand the critical acclaim, or anything. That's pretty much how it goes for me, no matter what, though.

oh, samurai champloo is outstanding.
as was the movie Zodiac.

god of war ii comes out on the 14th.
that's awesome news.
because i'm not very good at pac man.

the proxy monument.

after hearing tons of good stuff about this anime, samurai champloo, i finally picked up a copy of the first volume, used, and i'm going to start checking it out right now.

i'm starting to think that i'm not exactly a true anime fan. i am almost constantly disappointed with series that have a ton of recommendation behind them, and tend to only enjoy those that already have legendary status. Evangelion, Ghost in the Shell, Akira, etc. i think anyone, not just a fan of anime, but literally, ANYONE would enjoy these achievements.

i'll let you know.

these are the hours now that we are dying out.

it's clear (read: crystal clear) that the trip to NY was almost a complete and utter failure. failure might not be the right word. i think disaster just about sums it up a little bit better. aside from making it obvious that i live miles and miles away (yet again), i think it's at the point where we can all now see and admit that it's not just land-distance that's separating us now. it's shitty. there's no other real way to lay it out.

i'm exhausted right now.
i haven't felt tired in months.
maybe i'm getting sick, or something.

i had a daydream the other day of packing up and leaving.
it's just that i'm not sure which life i like more. i'm not sure which fantasy i'm just entertaining because it's a possibility. but i'm sure it's one of them.

the last few days, i've been feeling needy and unsatisfiable. i sleep, drink, eat, and dream emotion, because that's what's here. sometimes, i miss not feeling a damn thing. not numb, exactly, but maybe just the ignorance of another day.

i thought about writing up a postcard for someone.
it might just be a question that i need to ask.
i think about getting an answer back, and a push over the edge.
i still play games like that, just to feel things, sometimes.
i never get enough WHAT IFs.
i might have to make things happen. someday.
i'll wreck someone.

being home, though, made me realize just how much i miss my mom. i blame myself for stranding here there amidst my dad and my sister. what is she even doing. is she really that far on in her life that she's glad to look BACK on it and make sure we have a good life? i don't like to think about it like that. but is it true? she cries everytime she gets off the phone with me. that's horrible.

my heart, though, still remains one of my last priorities. whether it's full up or not really hasn't made much of a difference, and it's something that took me all of a couple weeks to realize that. it's still me loving the possibility of people. well, that, and finding the absolute best in everyone and ignoring the absolute worst. and giving my all to everyone and anyone, no matter who it is. i guess the hard part is tearing apart the little things, like who appreciates it the most, and who reciprocates, and who takes what for granted. who do i see myself reflected in? that little shit.

who's going to give me my space.
who's going to accept me and all the choices i make, both stupid and smart.
who's going to want to move.
who's going to want to go somewhere.
who's going to want to stop the same day i want to stop.

and,
when does this get old?
when do we get tired?

revi sangre.

“Tell me you couldn’t live without me.”
She couldn’t.
live without me, that is.

And even with that, it does nothing. Days at a time, this happens. I don’t know how to better myself or my view of myself. I don’t know how to make what I’m doing with my life seem right. Is it the people, the location I’m surrounding myself with? Is it her? Is it me?

I couldn’t sleep last night. That’s why this is the tape that’s playing.
The psyche is militant in its self doubt.

I think about packing it all up. Books, and music, and movies, and clothes. Another trip across the country with my life in the trunk. Surprise, I’m home.

And then there’s…
“Surprise. I’m gone.”

I think it was Brian who said something about taking steps ahead. Anything sideways or backwards, those are the things we’re going to try to avoid. And I’m realizing that there’s been nothing but static lately.

So,
I’m thinking it’s not the people. It’s not the location. It’s the lack of connection with the outside world. The non-fiction stuff. New games. New books. New music. New movies. Something to talk about. If I’m here, really, until July, I think I should genuinely try to at least know what’s going on somewhere else. If I ever really want to get out of here, I should at least give myself a reason to believe that somewhere else could be better than here.

“Let’s bring it back to life.”
That’s what I said. Sometime between Daniel’s 9AM phone call that he locked himself out of the office, and Justine’s 10AM alarm, that’s what I said.

Leave it to today to be the day the internet is down.
That’s that.

I’m thinking, though, what else does anyone else really do? Am I missing out on anything, really, no matter where I go? What can happen there that can’t happen here? And I guess, really, that’s all up to me.

That’s all up to me, though. There’s the New Times, which has a bunch of stuff that happens around South Florida. I choose to ignore it out of convenience, I guess. I could be doing any… ALL of that. And when was the last time I was on AP.net? The PRP? Anything like that?

There’s no excuse.

I guess that’s my new year’s resolution, in a sense. A return to normalcy. We’ll see how that works out. We’ll know in 2008 if I’ve succeeded.

There are some phone calls I have to make, that I should and shouldn’t make.

tongue in teeth.

As I was saying...

I've never felt Love like this before. The kind where every step matters; means something new. Every move you make actually generates some sort of response. Your mistakes (and to a greater extent, your shortcomings) are not just boring ways to keep you status quo. They're reasons to start to watch your steps even more. No one has ever made me watch my steps before. Not until now. I've always called and cried for my downfalls to be pointed out to me. I've begged for them. No one's ever had anything to say. I've always demanded some sort of challenge, whether it be in the form of creative struggle, or an interpersonal dynamic. I've always craved something that dared to kill me if it wouldn't make me stronger.

This much is true:
i've cried more in the past three months or so than i had in a year and a half. i guess in ways, it sounds sadistic. in some ways, i'm sure it just doesn't add up. but this is something that i've been wanting and needing for a long long time. someone who doesn't just roll with the punches... someone who isn't afraid to dish it out sometimes as well. someone whose actions speak volumes. they say, "are you even listening?"

Think about it.
I've always been so damn strong. At least, I always thought I was. Maybe it was just that I had never been put up against any real adversity. There is no way that I can not grow from something like this. And think about any other twenty four year old (knocking on twenty five) that needs to grow up more than I do.

Granted, this is just one angle of my life. This is just Love. There are still layers and layers of things that I want to take on. To fail at. To succeed on. To waste my time on. But this right here, this girl, is someone who can bite back. Someone who can remember. Someone who, really, I have no control over.

Someone who, despite all of this, still Loves me back.

Oh,
Paranoia Agent never got any better.

There's a Fairweather song that I'm putting on Mix #10 that I always forget about, but that means worlds to me.

Still Paradise
Try to pretend that everyone’s not dying here.
See this youth that’s draining out and drying up.
The color fades.
We decay and turn away.
Won’t you try and cover up all our lives.
Don’t you try?

You find yourself falling apart when there’s nothing wrong.
Breathe in breathe out this is the end of me.
Fall in fall out there’s nothing permanent.
But is it possible that things move on while we’re breaking down.
Just hold me close.
Don’t let me go until I’m alright.

Cover us up and walk away.

The bolded piece of that mattered so much to me two Wednesday nights ago, when I went shopping for Christmas gifts. I feel affected by it, touched by it, consoled by it, and guilty of it, all at once. That's how it works for me, anyway. Especially in this relationship I have going on.

I've put such high stakes on Her for one reason or another. And due to this, I'm constantly finding things wrong that aren't even wrong. I'm coming down on myself and therefore affecting the outward trajectory of my wordsemotionsactions. Another new feeling, and direction. I've never felt jealous like this before about the little bullshit that exists. Call it the fact that in my last relationship I was left for another guy because I gave the girl all the trust in the world. Again, though, maybe I was just too distant in that relationship for it to work. Regardless, I get scared to death of the little and big things. I overcompensate. I undercompensate. I think I do everything except be comfortable at my own level.

It's a huge mistake.
But I'm trying.

This might sound too philosophist, but I don't know how else to come across. Nothing is permanent except for yourself. Forget your legacy, because once you're gone, it can be tarnished. Once you're gone, and you've done all that you can that's all the permanence that you can handle. Make yourself the number one priority. Love yourself and allow others to love you only as much as you can feel that you deserve. Don't let anyone in who doesn't deserve you. You really are worth that much. Believe me. Whether you're home in your own town, surrounded by friends, and things and places to experience, and a family that loves you, or if you're in a completely distant city with nothing of interest to note, nothing stimulating within traveling distance, or any love to warm you, there will always be the choices that you make to get you to that next step. Anything and everything that you decide will get you to the next hilltop or valley. If you choose to not choose you have accomplished absolutely nothing.

I made a difficult choice. I left everything I knew to come to a place that I knew nothing about. I took a chance. I'm still taking it. Without it, I would have never found things about myself that I need to know. I never would have found things about others that they didn't even know they could have said. I never would have tested myself. I never would have known real loneliness. That genuine solitude that I needed to have that I thought I completely understood. I never would have known how to balance bills. How to learn to get by.

I never would have known my limits as far as a living partner goes.

This decision is going to last until July. That's when the lease here runs out. I'm not sure where that will lead me. I'm really not completely positive where I'll lay my head at the end of this ticking calendar. But I do know that I'll be here another seven months. In about ten days, I'll be halfway through my Miami stay. And whether I'm coming home to Long Island, or even New York in general, or if I'm going to West Virginia, or the west coast, or Europe, or Asia, that's something I'll probably start thinking about in May or April of 2007.

I'm sort of floating right now.
You guys knew that about me. Come on.

So, me and Rahul ended up talking for about an hour and forty five minutes last week. It was genuine quality. I loved it.
I'm calling Brian tonight, some time after nine.
I want to try to get in touch with Dave to hangout again sometime before Christmas.
Kerry called a couple times this weekend, but I haven't had a chance to get back at her. Maybe tonight after Brian.

Still nothing from Carissa.
It hurts.
We spent a week together. And then some.
And then, silence.

Um,
but we've been playing Paper Mario for Gamecube. It's a solid RPG. No garbage, nothing drawn out beyond where it should be. Just Mario doing mostly Mario-esque things in paper form. A lot of clever puzzles are strewn about. Plus, there are a ton of awesome Mario universe characters drawn in a new art form (nothing new to the Mario-verse; I mean, how many different iterations of Goombas have we seen?), my favorites being the different kinds of Bob-Ombs they've been throwing into the mix, a Koopa Troopa decked out in a spiky knight uniform, and the softened up Buzzy Beetle. And the boss characters do not disappoint.

New Nas track is out of control. Hit the myspace for that.

I finished reading Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?. It was definitely a good, tight sci-fi novel. It felt more like a short story, though, the way things didn't pan out to huge proportions. It was pretty much a bounty hunter carrying through his missions, and, as sci-fi always does, it touched upon several different real-life problems in its own way (morality, religion) via the book's characters, and world. It was a good read, and one that you can no doubt get through in a week if you were really to try. It's worth it.

I'm currently reading Bradley Hathaway's All the Hits So Far But Don't Expect Too Much: Poetry, Prose & Other Sundry Items. The kid apparently tours with bands, and does spoken word poetry. The big problem with him is he doesn't have a whole ton of talent. I know I have more. At least, yo, let me break it down like this. Reading his stuff doesn't come across like he has any skill. Maybe it's the way he speaks it, maybe it's the way his stage presence steals you. I'm just not sure. But he just isn't that good with his words.

This is the sort of thing that blows me away.

In my mind, I have a lot of stuff to offer people hungry for verbiage.
And then this kid has a book published.
And has toured.

Ambition/Inspiration/Initiative: 45,000
Me: 0

the deadlock.

Paranoia Agent isn't the anime I hoped that it would be. At least, it hasn't established itself in the first two minutes as anything I'd want to pay attention to. I'm speed typing away on my sidekick, though, while I watch the end of the second episode. There are some cool ideas at work, visually. But the only characters that they've established are peripheral; ones that pop in sporadically. I know them more than I know the ones who are taking up most of the screen time. This is the kind of thing that steers me away from the genre. Sometimes, it's better to just watch television. While this medium has a TON of potential, it doesn't fully represent itself the way I know it could. I'm just about ready to take this and the next volume back without watching the rest.

What it seems to me is the entire series is a bunch of short stories that are tied together very loosely due to a storyline that cycles in the city.

I'm trying out Desert Punx next, because the imagery on that seemed interesting. Post-apocalyptic and desolate, with lots of gasmasks. Sounds like a good place to start.

I watched Girl, Interrupted the other night.
It brought me places.

It's kind of bizarre to think about contact, and lack thereof, and the thought that it could be everyone's fault, or my fault, or their fault, or no one's fault at all. Contact. It's like Team Miscommunication continues and continues without us even saying a word.

I'm going downstairs to get a snapple. I think. As a matter of fact, I'm walking to 7-11 to get a snapple. I want to use up more time.
-- and it isn't until now that I realize what David meant about Snapple being readily available up north.

I got water instead.

Love is hard. Just like Art is hard. Just like Creating is hard. The way this Love is, anyway. And I'm not sure if it's Justine, or Me, or Miami, or the fact that neither of us is Home. But it's choppier than I remember. A more involved beginning than I remember. More intense in every way than I've ever remembered. It's just new, I guess. Someone different, and a completely unpracticed way of doing things. That's the way it should always be. Relationships and matters of the heart aren't like math classes. There is no cumilative knowledge. Everything you learn is about yourself. And you can only hope to be able to use what you've learned. But nothing has ever been the way I've remembered it before. Nothing has ever been the same.

I've never been able to say,
"I remember this part."

Even when everything was happening over the phone, again. It was still all brand new.

Rahul plans to call tonight.
Brian called me Sunday.
I've actually seen Dave twice.
Kerry called Thursday.
Kailyn still makes frequent contact through several different airwaves.
Carissa is nonexistant.
Nicole and I shared some huge e-mails.
I miss Anthony, but we try.

The people that matter,
they're all trying.

(to be continued)

look:

this is me, november.
it's around 60 degrees everyday here, and i feel like i'm freezing.
i use my days off to clean most of the time.
i don't listen to music anymore, because nothing is worth listening to.
i never read.
these are mostly complaints, but they're buried.
i miss everyone.

i'm very happy.
i'll try to write more.

always e-mail me.
steve.cuocci@gmail.com.
always.

i think of you,
and of rusted out factories.

when they walk through ash, they'll name us by city.

Well I loved this town like you did
Ill burn it to the ground
Packed your things and then
You were gone
Called a new place home

Like you do
And you'll never change

More than lights expose who you are.

eyes locked for hollows.

i have been trying to finish the newest mix for many, many months it feels like. it's actually only been just short of three months. but it's just not coming together. it's because music has been very shallow lately. there are a few things that i've been working backwards on, but just about everything coming out that's new is uninteresting. the two big releases of the past two weeks? puff daddy, and brooke hogan.

such is The Industry.

a few suggestions.
1) read the site.
2) Oh, Sleeper: Legit breakdowns.
3) Sparta: the new record is not disappointing.
4) Misery Signals: the new material blows the old stuff out of the water. less dense, more experimental on their end. the new singer more than fills the old shoes.
5) John Legend: straight up r&b.
6) Fields: the first song on their profile is off of a new album which i'm instantly excited about.

so much has changed in a month's time, and it's hard to verbify it. i moved out of north miami beach, and down to south beach. dave got married and needed room for the mama rabbit. plus... i mean...

i sort of met someone.

it's hard to convince or describe to anyone the spontaneous eruption that ended up being Us. i think i actually might have said, "there's a new girl at work. she seems like she'd be really... interesting to talk to." i think this came at a completely random point in my conversation. i think it was obvious.

here:
I'm in Love.

don't.

it is.
it's hard.
it's so hard.

hostage me.

the tale of two cities never
knew obliteration like this.
we're talking population control.
we're talking martial law.
we're talking body count.

the scribes, the playwrights,
the painters, all debutantes,
reduced to memory.

blank media for years,
as unemployed muse
cartels roam the
gypsy paths.

surrounded by mountains; claustrophobic

i speak to her pseudonym in the third person.

this, from the 609.

five lines.

it's not a medication but a bellowing of the organs of your rhythmics.

i don't believe in the dead, but these are premonitions. that's right. i said fucking phantoms. haunting the inner workings of anticipation, the eyes, the smile.

notebook pages lines the roof of my mouth, waiting to be tasted. the things i ingest are aimed at your skin. i want to be heard in your footsteps. i want to feel you coming. i want to feel you coming.

bass heavy, like the ocean. a lung so deep, we're talking creatures. inhabitants.

the waiting at transit length is benign. a clairvoyant mentioned charmed existence, but i told her i was just a vagabond. my coating of arms, a penciled diagram on the blue lines. my reputation, a line in legendary sand.

X: THIS is a fucking opportunity to make a difference.
X: you don't NEED him.
X: this whole blocking/silence/crying thing... it's an opportunity.
O: im just scared i guess
O: that nothing else is going to come around
X: of life, of the world without THAT.
X: god.
O: and im not good at being single really
X: please.
X: give me.. BLESS me with a world without that.
O: i just dont think anyone else will be like genuinely interested in me
O: and i feel like if someone does come along - tha tim going to scare them away
X: DO YOU REALLY THINK HE IS?!
O::-X: just answer it.
X: if not answer it.
X: think about it.
O: i am thinking about it
O: its all ive been thinking about
X: it doesn't seem like it.
X: like, do you see what you're fighting to stay in! ahh!
O: i know
O: and i know its a shitty excuse
O: but like i said, im scared
O: im not as social as i used to be
X: this kid better have a dick like a sledgehammer.
O: we dont have sex anymore

oh my.
if there's anything that could ever defeat me, it's unworthy self doubt, and the death of a romance.

a locale.

giulia has this picture up on her myspace.
i asked her where it is so i can go visit it.
i'm pretty glad that it exists.
come with me.

"how fast do feet grow, my sister?"

Her: So, am I a messenger now, or something?
Him: Well, I mean, you could tell me where you live, so I could just punch it through your window.





just to set the record straight,
last night doesn't count.

a craning.

and then, just frames.
if we're quiet and shut the door,
they won't know.

so quiet, we'll scream in nerve endings.
quiet like window panes.

leaving fingerprints on the skin loving your ribcage.
leaving mouthprints on where your throat meets your vessel.
teethmarks.

so if it's dark and if we don't tell a soul,
they won't figure us out.
bring me in with you;
guide me at arm's length.
when we meet at the eyes again,
that's when it starts.
a soft and expectant sonata,
this will be our masterpiece.
breathe me in with all of you.

quiet like archways.

i want to see the shapes our clothes make on your floor.
dunes, i think.
mountain ranges, i think.
camouflage.

elbows and knees dividing the friction into angles. a craning neck and a smoothed out back. reaching out for you and me and everything and more. so much. handfuls, and nails. play the passion in my ears. don't stop.



and then, just frames.