the speechless.

i forgot myself one day. i'm trying my best to get back to the point where there is a me that i remember. now, i know that there have been times where i haven't exactly reacted or responded to things the way you might expect. but at twenty five (jesus christ, we aren't irrelevany anymore, are we?) i'm trying to be the one true person that i was meant to be. natural sayings and natural facial expressions. and i've really never felt so at home. maybe i had to leave to realize this.

it's weird, though, you know? being in a relationship (an official one... the one that we really count to everyone...) changes you. it's going to, no matter how we try to cut through it. it's funny. i'm serious. it's funny when we see someone we really know react differently to something when they're around their lover or their love interest. it's fine, though. we know who they are, still. they're just trying to react within a parabola. is that the right word? i don't know, i don't care. whatever. they're just trying to react in a way that will keep them in a safe place with their lover. and we get on their case, but for what.

i was thinking about this tonight while bill and i got crushed in three of four games in ncaa. i really don't care anymore if someone wants to be someone else in a relationship, because i get it. it's finally to the point where i see that there really is a split in who we are as a married/engaged/sanctioned human as opposed to just a single dude. and we can't expect someone to be a single dude while they are married/engaged/sanctioned. it's just a rule of life. it happens. whatevzz. as rahul says.

ps, good luck, man.

thoughts on ncaa when i clear up a little bit. and when i finish either dynasty or campus legend. as of right n0w? great game. just more of the same.

actions over the course of the past 20 minutes? i'm a piece of shit. but i know what i'm doing.

i hate mirrors. i'm an ugly kid. circles around the eyes. whenever possible, i hide behind glasses, and hoodies, and angular hair cuts.

a fractured christ.

twitter.
i still think this could be awesome, but it really needs to get some people with the right idea behind it. i hate when people write about real things and even when they write about fake things (or i should say real things in a fictional way) i hate when they update more than once an hour or so. really, i'm just a complete horror.

i wonder what i was born for.

while chris gasparri remains one of the most shady characters i've known, he still has one of the most honest characters i've ever come across. he is what he is. i think honesty scares me away. when i know what i'm getting into, i step back i step back.

it's july 23rd. ALMOST august. and i'm still sitting outside FREEZING. i've been really hot maybe twice. this is pathetic. summer is here, it's true. but it's not the kind of summer that it's ever been before. i'm sleeping in a hoodie tonight. i'm serious.

she should come over. she should draw me so many things i can't see the paint on my walls. she should run away. she shouldn't be here. she should be better than someone like me. she should be seeing clay colored things. she should fulfill the outlasting potential of her hands. she should stop being so goddamn pretty. she should hold me for hours and stop watching the clock. she could remember just how far away i was and laugh at how close. she should be famous. she should come over. she should come over. she should know i can't sleep.

the twitter phenomenon.

i want to encapsulate my thoughts on this whole twitter movement that's happening in such a terse statement, that it will make perfect sense appearing on the site itself, but it's near impossible. i think the best way to put it is:

no one gives a shit.

just like those livejournal posts where people discuss what they've been doing for the past few days (i could see a transcript of a vacation, but c'mon); just like those myspace blogs that talk about myspace blogs. just like those flickr pages of everything you've eaten today.

no one gives a shit.

there's a link up top on the site called "public timeline" which seems to post the last twenty or so posts in the past ten seconds or something along those lines. and i read it sometimes, in hopes that someone will go outside the box a little bit; maybe express a brief clarity, maybe create a tiny universe, maybe say something intriguing. because these things are really possible. i'm 'following' four twitters which do just that. in one hundred and forty characters or less, they give me something to read and at least absorb. some of rah's are a little on the X-D side for me, but i'm sure some of mine register on the 8-| scale for him as well. but in the middle of those extremes of our posts, there are bits of things that interest each other with what we write in there.

+ stephifty sandwich was worth the wait!
+ jwatkins debating whether i'll keep this feed going
+ legirl leaving in a few, and i still don't know how to get there.

no one gives a shit.

and i'm not saying that my feeds are any more on the side of revolution. my flickr had been a blind dash at throwing whatever i could point my camera at and capture. my livejournal hit its moments of self-importance. but even clicking in, and reading some of these 'tweets' that folks post is like fucking a blow up doll.

and i'm probably being a major elitist right now. but the thing is, i have no problem with each and every one of these users having an account. on any and all fronts. but i just wish there was a little bit more soul behind those dead eye[con]s. it's hard trying to point this out, without saying, "they should be more like us. the way we do it is right." because, in essence, that's what i'm saying. but some of this information doesn't need to be out there. it's that gabby bullshit that prevents a streamlined society.

and there i was sitting in die hard,
loving the tricked out explosions
which costs multimillions.

okay. okay.
i guess it's just frustrating to know the potential of a system being put to waste. i've looked at those limited character allowances as a challenge. just another new media to create within. i'm not saying my twitter is great. but i'm proud that at least it's different. and i'd love to find more just like mine.

+ zero606 I am trying to come up with a new logo for my blog and for my shopping log. I need an inspiration!
+ razzie I think imma take a shower right now

because, jesus.

-

the last inch.

i started a twitter account.
read it here.

for those not in the know, twitter is a free ultra-micro-blogging service that allows you to update in brief splashes that can go no longer than 140 characters. rahul had one, and i figured it was useless, until i realized that my brain is either possessed, horrible, or has a lot of trash in its recycle bin.

brian, you can relate.

i've decided to title it the last inch, because these things tend to be on the tail end of the ticker tape of the internal clickity-clacks.

-

the new john mayer album (well, new from last year... continuum) is genius. i can't believe i didn't get it sooner. i loved it then. still love it now.

-

rahul, for your tech blog:
- twitter
- acura mdx
- new laptop
- pligg
- new phone (old school)
- flickr (as a service)
- vista (at length)