shopping.

i think going food shopping is becoming one of my favorite things to do. for some reason, all of this stuff actually feels like it's going to make a difference. i'm not really into clothing (except for fullbleed, and band shirts, but those are mostly just random accounts of fashion) and shoes come once in a blue. right now, i'm rocking asics that i'm really digging but i saw some more kicks right across from where i'm putting in hours, and i'm thinking about picking them up, too.

so, anyway, let me give you a run down of what i bought tonight.

• vitamin water: endurance (2)
  
• vitamin water: energy (2)
  
• vitamin water: formula 50 (2)
  
• vitamin water: essential (2)
  
• lean pockets: supreme pizza (2)
  
• kashi cinnamon harvest cereal
  
• publix frozen cheese ravioli
  
• publix fudge swirl sundae cups
  
• stouffer's french bread pizza deluxe
  
• stouffer's french bread pizza plain
  
• voila chicken alfredo bagged pasta dinner
  
• red stripe 12 pack
  
• wheat thins: honey
  
• mott's cinnamon apple sauce
  
• publix fat free milk
  
• publix baby cut carrots
  
• boar's head turkey breast (1 lb.)
  
• maruchan ramen chicken flavor (2)
  
• maruchan ramen creamy chicken flavor (2)
  
• maruchan ramen roast beef flavor
  

about $64. i dig.

dave's on his way to NY at the moment. his flight got delayed two or three times. that was kind've out of control. i have the place to myself until sunday night, at which point he'll return with his brother for a week. i'm semi stoked to see the kid.

my mom sent me shorts, and bathing suits, and sandals, and a ton of records from record companies for review. it was all awesome. i'm glad to get care packages like that. so far, the only mail i've got is from family. i've sent out a pretty fair share, and i guess i shouldn't expect much in return. that's fine.

in fact, i wrote a letter late last night, and didn't send it because the envelopes are in dave's room. i woke up this morning and wanted to send it, but i just couldn't do it. i feel like i need some sort've clearance first. it's a ridiculous dynamic that i don't know how or why i created it for myself. it sparked from this thought that i had last night about time bombs, and blue wires and red wires. it's two pages, and folded up, and signed from me, and will probably end up being just another piece of undelivery.


i work in a city by the beach

birth after/state.

written at 9:35a
South Beach
right here:


Okay, so maybe it does get better.
Maybe you show up to work a little early and you get to sit on the beach.
Maybe the 50 minute commute turns into a 15 minute one (and when you tell them on the phone, they can't tell the difference).
I wonder if they want me here tomorrow.

Okay, maybe last night instead of sleeping I was making big plans.

I get breaks here at this record store for a half hour a day. We run parallel to Ocean Dr., where all the bougie girls wear their sequen and drink margaritas. Here, where no one really lives, is where the tall glasses with those umbrellas made their name. I walk faceless and alone through this crowd, because for now, these are my streets, and they're the faceless, and they're going home.

Where they stop at corners and main street attractions, I know people's names behind counters halfway down Washington Ave.

I've been here for four days.
I drink coffee under palm trees.

I meet europeans who fish for words in my language as I try my best to be articulate in my line of questioning. Beyond small talk, I'm meeting characters on their own stage. One day, I hope to be in their shoes. Some ageless Londoner writes on his laptop, "I meet americans who swim in yankee accents..." and the list goes on, me on my stage.

I met a girl in Jersey who liked to sketch.
I think I look for her sometimes, because she's my type of people.
She guessed our age.

Next time, I'm bringing shorts.
Today, on my clocked out, unpaid half hour, I'm going to Urban Outfitters on the strip to scope out some slip-ons.

Lesson One: Expect nothing from anyone, even if they're the Everyone.
Lesson Two: I need to be working to remain happy.
Lesson Three: Bring your life with you everywhere. You never know who might have a ticket.

the arcs of your pockets.

the first thing i'd tell you if you were to pick up and leave is to not expect a damn thing from anyone or anything. don't overgeneralize or grant an overfidelity in the way the world works.

mistake #1.

just because you're not afraid doesn't mean that things are going to work out.
it doesn't make the coals any cooler.

at least this is practice.
this is nowhere i'm needed.