Monday, March 26, 2007


Well, at least the wait is over.
We're getting out of here in less than two weeks. If all things go according to plan, that's less than 10 days. Something like 9 days, actually.

It's actually believable now, as opposed to those wishes that despite your grandest effort, you can never seem to make true. We all have one.

Things are a little bit more complex than they were at first, though. Really, it all started with just a move up north to West Virginia. I wasn't entirely FOR this idea, but went with it anyway.

I'm in love with her.
That's why.

But the other night, she introduced me to a week old idea that she gave birth all on her own. Maybe if I went to WV with her, and just existed, worked, saved money, and hungout with her and her mom and sister, I wouldn't be all that happy. Maybe that'd ruin morale. Maybe we'd suffer more from that than anything else we could make happen on our own. Maybe we'd be farther away from everything we knew for longer than we've ever been before.


So, as of today, circa 3:30am, the decision was made to come back to LI at the end of April, after spending some time in WV with the future family-in-law (and possible adopted pet/son). Then get a job. Or jobs. And save money amidst the things that I know. And then, in June, she'll come in to see me. And after that, I think I'll be gone again. Well, I know I'll be gone again. I'm just not sure when I'm going to be ready to get on and get out.

Because we're going West, so we might need a lot of money. And that's going to be the beginning again, just us, and maybe a dog. And we'll have to furnish our whatever, wherever we go.

Hopefully somewhere where it's easy to steal the internet. Because right now, it's proving impossible to get online, from my normal vantage point. I hate this little game that me, and the air plays. It used to be easy, then it got hard, then it got easy again, and now it's hard again. Damnit. And now it's easy again.

I got some albums last night:
  • modest mouse - we were dead before the ship even sank
  • chimaira - resurrection
  • the snake the cross the crown - cotton teeth
  • kaddisfly - set sail the prairie

Plus, yo, Hot Rod Circuit comes out tonight, so I may pick that up at midnight. That is, if I'm out of the TMNT Movie. Or Shooter. Tonight's a solo night, so I have to find something to do while Dave is sick. Tomorrow night, I'll be heading over there for what MIGHT be the last time, which is very sad. I don't think it will be, but it just might be. Dave has BEEN florida to me. And he's the reason I was here in the first place. But I bet we'll just be doing the same stuff as always, which never ceases to keep me very happy. Video games, movies, and horrible horrible imaginary characters.

I sent people things that I've written, and I heard nothing back.

I realized I haven't put new pictures up here in a while, so that's what's going on with the overabundance in here. Those are taken in the now now. You are seeing me write this blog in those photos.

And I think the B&W is just a phase.
It'll pass.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

total trash.

i planned to update this twice before. one time about my history of drinking and non drinking. another time about the same kinds of stuff it's always been about. this time, it seems that i want to update just for the sake of having said that i've said something.

megan left and the apartment is all ours. it's sad, because this place has been my home for about as much time as the place in jade winds was (5 months). it doesn't feel that way, at all. being here for ten months doesn't feel right either. it doesn't seem that simple; just a number of months. but it is the goddamned truth.

we're leaving south florida for uncertain territories, sometime between today and april 19th. we'll be out of the state and on our way north towards west virginia first. and then i think we'll head to NY for a little while as well. from there, it's all money saving, as always, to see where the new destination will be. well, money saving while i try [keyword: TRY] to find something more career oriented elsewhere. we're thinking west coast. something like california, or arizona. texas has come up, as well. i'd even do chicago. maybe more north. like toronto.

well, the list of states that we agree on looks something like this:

West Coast:


New Jersey

The states we've left out are Alabama, Arkansas, Delaware, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan, Minnesota, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. All the rest, we couldn't agree on completely.

There are things I'll miss about this city, like it's 98% consistent warmth, palm trees, never harsh breezes, and Dave. The view from our balcony is definitely one wortth waking up for. While it is humble, it's still something that I doubt I'll have the opportunity to see on such a regular basis anymore. I'll miss being this close to the beach at all times. I'm not one for sunbathing, but as a place to think or converse, it's pretty hard to beat. I won't miss the people, or the constant tourism. The horrible drivers. The terrible musical tastes. The nonexistant music scene. This just isn't a place of culture. It's like the trophy wife of the states. all it ever had to do was exist. it never had to do anything but look beautiful.

i'm looking forward to getting out of here, but i'm not looking forward to our indefinite stop in west virginia. i'm hoping i can handle it. it really was one of the worst places i've ever been to when we went there for christmas, and while Justine's family was one of the most welcoming, hands down fun group of people to be around, i'm just not sure i can handle a full serving of that place day in and day out. jesus. just thinking about it makes me nervous. she has shelves and tomes of pages of history there. people, places, things, memories. the very real sorts of things that will drive a creative mind up the wall. but i've put someone through the same sort of thing. someone came straight into my life and lived where i'd lived for a good few months. it really happened. and to ask justine to come to NY just to make me comfortable is selfish. it is, no matter how you try to make it straight in your head. it's just not going to happen that easily.

so, we'll see how it all goes down. i'm hoping smoothly. the whole "rat race" thing is sort of coming into view for me. i'm not sure it's exactly in the same way that it's meant to be, metaphorically, but it works for me, regardless. the possibility of coming to the end of a labyrinthine hallway and having to turn around and start all over again is getting very real for me.

can't say i didn't try.

i bought some CDs today. Brazilian Girls' Talk to La Bomb, Sonic Youth's Daydream Nation, and Silversun Pickups' Carnavas. The first and third ones are albums I already knew I liked. The second is from a band I've always wanted to try to listen to, and eventually got around to sampling. They're not awesome, but not bad either. I don't understand the critical acclaim, or anything. That's pretty much how it goes for me, no matter what, though.

oh, samurai champloo is outstanding.
as was the movie Zodiac.

god of war ii comes out on the 14th.
that's awesome news.
because i'm not very good at pac man.