total trash.

i planned to update this twice before. one time about my history of drinking and non drinking. another time about the same kinds of stuff it's always been about. this time, it seems that i want to update just for the sake of having said that i've said something.

megan left and the apartment is all ours. it's sad, because this place has been my home for about as much time as the place in jade winds was (5 months). it doesn't feel that way, at all. being here for ten months doesn't feel right either. it doesn't seem that simple; just a number of months. but it is the goddamned truth.

we're leaving south florida for uncertain territories, sometime between today and april 19th. we'll be out of the state and on our way north towards west virginia first. and then i think we'll head to NY for a little while as well. from there, it's all money saving, as always, to see where the new destination will be. well, money saving while i try [keyword: TRY] to find something more career oriented elsewhere. we're thinking west coast. something like california, or arizona. texas has come up, as well. i'd even do chicago. maybe more north. like toronto.

well, the list of states that we agree on looks something like this:
Incontiguous:
Alaska
Hawaii

West Coast:
Arizona
California

Midwest:
Colorado
Texas

Northeast:
Maryland
Massachusetts
New Jersey

The states we've left out are Alabama, Arkansas, Delaware, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan, Minnesota, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. All the rest, we couldn't agree on completely.

There are things I'll miss about this city, like it's 98% consistent warmth, palm trees, never harsh breezes, and Dave. The view from our balcony is definitely one wortth waking up for. While it is humble, it's still something that I doubt I'll have the opportunity to see on such a regular basis anymore. I'll miss being this close to the beach at all times. I'm not one for sunbathing, but as a place to think or converse, it's pretty hard to beat. I won't miss the people, or the constant tourism. The horrible drivers. The terrible musical tastes. The nonexistant music scene. This just isn't a place of culture. It's like the trophy wife of the states. all it ever had to do was exist. it never had to do anything but look beautiful.

i'm looking forward to getting out of here, but i'm not looking forward to our indefinite stop in west virginia. i'm hoping i can handle it. it really was one of the worst places i've ever been to when we went there for christmas, and while Justine's family was one of the most welcoming, hands down fun group of people to be around, i'm just not sure i can handle a full serving of that place day in and day out. jesus. just thinking about it makes me nervous. she has shelves and tomes of pages of history there. people, places, things, memories. the very real sorts of things that will drive a creative mind up the wall. but i've put someone through the same sort of thing. someone came straight into my life and lived where i'd lived for a good few months. it really happened. and to ask justine to come to NY just to make me comfortable is selfish. it is, no matter how you try to make it straight in your head. it's just not going to happen that easily.

so, we'll see how it all goes down. i'm hoping smoothly. the whole "rat race" thing is sort of coming into view for me. i'm not sure it's exactly in the same way that it's meant to be, metaphorically, but it works for me, regardless. the possibility of coming to the end of a labyrinthine hallway and having to turn around and start all over again is getting very real for me.

can't say i didn't try.

i bought some CDs today. Brazilian Girls' Talk to La Bomb, Sonic Youth's Daydream Nation, and Silversun Pickups' Carnavas. The first and third ones are albums I already knew I liked. The second is from a band I've always wanted to try to listen to, and eventually got around to sampling. They're not awesome, but not bad either. I don't understand the critical acclaim, or anything. That's pretty much how it goes for me, no matter what, though.

oh, samurai champloo is outstanding.
as was the movie Zodiac.

god of war ii comes out on the 14th.
that's awesome news.
because i'm not very good at pac man.