Wednesday, April 06, 2016

a collection within a range.

at the beginning of the year, i set up a "calendar" for myself, scheduling writing periods for different projects. just to see if it all would work, just to see if different pieces of fiction would make sense. just to dust off some old prints and put them to the light and see if they would develop. so far, some have and some haven't. some have the same core energy that i wanted in them and some have been taken back a few paces and reworked. some of them have turned from sad and dreary and weird into more upbeat "comedy" styles. it honestly feels like some of the best ideas i've had just need to be whittled down into short pieces, rounded off at the edges and made really nice digestible capsules that i can put out into the world and allow them to breathe on their own outside of a folder on my desktop. outside of an icon. some of these things have full days put into them, from conception to pause. whether it's actually sitting in front of the keys and hammering them in or just thinking on them between different days at work and having concepts that i want to work into them. there's a lot that goes into it.

but the fact of the matter (for me) is that all writing has always been done at its strongest when i am completely alone. wait. that's not what i mean. i need to be away from people who are going to try and engage me in conversation. from my fiance, my friends, my stepson... being near them, there's just not the attention and ability to dive directly into the work that i need. 

i'm currently in a Panera sitting among the breakfast crowd and these are the strangers i can be buried in and have no problem with. so even if i'm making eye contact and sort of getting some of their energy absorbed into me (not going all new age, but there's an undeniable avenue that we follow when we're met with other people indirectly. call it a vibe, call it an energy, call it your own unconscious thought. whatever it is, it's there.) and it's vibrating into the fiction.

this whole schedule/calendar, though, wasn't made to be disappointing or stressful. not in any way. so the fact that last month, kaleena was around every day and i wasn't getting up early to put in the writing work and i was spending all of my free time with her isn't something that i want to make me feel like a set back. no, that's really a gift that i didn't want to take for granted. so i'm a month behind and working on this sci fi story that i started during NANOWRIMO last november. one that i don't even know if it works out properly. but one that i have notes in two separate moleskines and in one composition book that i fairly well like. i'm hoping to have it done by the end of april. and to then move on to the next one in may and so on and so forth. i trust that i can do it if i stay focused, which is one thing that i've never been able to do with long fiction.

that's why those microfictions work so well. they're these blasts of ideas that don't leave the page. they don't even leave the moment. they're put out in such a quick fashion that they only have time to be exactly that. just a flip book. just a moment stolen from some other timeline. a couple of them ran into two cards sent to two separate people. but those are where my strength has mostly come. ones that i don't leave and come back to.

so far, i trust it. but it's "hard" work to make these work. and what's my goal? really, honestly, just to finish it. i'm going back to the place i was in 2003 or 2004 just writing a short story and sharing it with a handful of friends and seeing where they think it should be. bigger? smaller? exactly where it is? it's tough. a lot of times, i've seen into places where writers are being inspired by their peers and where authors are being lauded and i just can't agree. and i wonder where do these people get into THAT club that they've just inspired each other to do these flat projects without really 'succeeding' in writing these great stories. OR. i wonder how they are able to just not worry and write simple, cool stuff that they enjoy and not want more more more more out of it and themselves.

sci-fi piece at the end of April is the goal for right now.

microfiction project still rolling along super nicely. 

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