After a full night of restful sleep, I've been waking up in the mornings feeling arresting stress. Completely overtaking my mind and body to the point where I feel like I slammed a door shut behind me after running from an angry mob. Or like I just sabotaged a business with the push of a button and just got to my car, knowing that there were going to be headlines of a major collapse. I try to center myself for the most part, thinking about nothing, even thinking about SOMETHING to erase the phantom tremors. It's difficult, but eventually I steel up.
I wish I could wear the stress during the regular day, if in fact, that's what this is. I wish I could just be stressed out at the root of the issue and solve it. Figure it out. Come to grips with it. Handle it. Etc. This is the most stressful time of year for a retail manager, obviously. But there isn't anything more stressful than anything else. I have my team and they are handling the store operations just fine. I sometimes wish I could do more for them, but I know that's just the human need of having control speaking to me. I have to relinquish it.
We're not bleeding money. We're not in a bad place as a family as a couple or as members of society.
I'm... behind on writing an arbitrary personal top 100 albums of the year list that's FOR no one and that NO ONE is expecting or even wanting.
Christmas shopping is done.
Dad is stabilized after a couple of scares with his health.
Is this rationalization speaking? Are these lies I'm telling myself? I can see them, visualize them, quantify them. But isn't that what a delusionist would think and say as well?
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