Tuesday, February 14, 2006

breathe words, catch them in the ink net.

empty water bottles are everywhere in here. one open on the desk, one on the floor next to a poster tube, one under my desk where my feet should be. two on the fridge, one on the bookshelf, and one on the dresser. 3 records sit on the floor, waiting to be judged by me and me alone. i'm just not in the mood to take those on right now.

lately, all i've been doing is writing. things i destroy, and things that i read, and things that i'll love in my head, but hate in my mouth, and things that i want to show everyone, or select someones.

lately, i've been a writer.

i'm right now reading this interview with Steven Graham Jones and realizing just how hard it is to ever make a living off of writing for entertainment. fiction. imagination. it doesn't really make me want to give up, although i can imagine that it should. it makes me want to give it a strong, honest shot. the things this guy is saying (that he's got a huge three ring binder of denial letters, and only 10% of any proposals he's ever had have been accepted; the fact that he wrote five novels before even one got published) are so completely bleak. it gets me thinking along the lines of... am i really meant to even touch anyone more than just a handful of surrounding people? am i just going to be one of those pathetic starving artist types passing out my manuscripts to a few people who know people who work with people who know people? i like to think not.

i've always said, though, that my career won't be in fiction. i think i just don't have the amount of talent needed to really thrive in that vein of work. i feel like my strength is more word usage than story. story is key. story is heart. words are just the method. we'll see.

my short story has been compared to Chuck books or Fight Club about 30% of the time. the other 70% don't know about either.

actually, graham jones touched on an important point in this interview that i've talked to brian about, and that i just brought up to kerry earlier tonight. chuck has completely changed the landscape of fiction writing. his minimalism, his directness, his narrative style. i feel like he changed what first person writing should be like. it's unbelievable what he's done. i mean, i used to write before him. and i never thought that he'd bleed through so much in my writing. i feel like some of the other stuff i have in the pipes isn't as much in his tone, but i know for sure that "the better half" was very much him. it's scary to think that the first thing i've done since i've read him has wreaked entirely of his keys. tsk.

i've really been starving for criticism and opinions on that. i got some tonight which was a little bit more thought out than i'd expected. two people told me that they're looking to write thoughts out etc. that's good. i just hope it eventually comes through. rahul made a really good point tonight. pretty much my exact polar opposite in life, dan harris, is someone who also happens to be a writer. and rahul decided it'd probably be the most brutal/honest thing to do to give him a read through, and just see what comes out. it's intimidating to say the least, but i'm interested to see a completely new demographic and what they think about it. i'm crossing my fingers and hoping he'll be at least cohesive in his destruction.

April 13th, Steven Graham Jones releases Demon Theory which I might check out. once i finish these books that i've got to read:

  • Ayn Rand - Atlas Shrugged (about 300 pages in... only 800 to go)
  • Andy Greenwald - Nothing Feels Good
  • Tiffanie Debartolo - God Shaped Hole
  • Bret Easton Ellis - The Informers
  • Saul Williams - The Dead Emcee Scrolls
  • Marc Etkind - ... Or Not to Be - A Collection of Suicide Notes

let's see what we can do from here.

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