Thursday, February 09, 2006

check scalp for receding timeline.

tonight was laden... laden with scattered old memories. and it all stems from handing out copies of "The Better Half." Each wasn't necessarily meant to last that long. Just something along the lines of, "yo, here's my story, and i want you to destroy it. i hate blind love. i hate blind hatred. i want to know what you thought about this story. how it affected or didn't affect you. what you need me to explain to you, what you hate me for writing, and what you could never be without. i want you to tear this apart." but it ended up going for three rounds of two hour long encounters.

it started with hanging out with krystyn which was a complete trip. i saw her new house, met two of her roommates, and her dog, and saw her room, and her dvds. it was insane. it really wasn't what i was expecting to happen. the only reason i even ended up giving her a copy of the story was because back when i started writing it, she was one of the people who i figured would have some insight on it. so now that it's come to a refined conclusion, she deserves a final copy of it. it was also sort've intriguing to see what this huge chunk of my past has become. and, really, things have sort've changed so much that it's hardly recognizable as a past. it feels like a distant story that i might've made up back as it happened. i can't deny it, though; her breaking my heart was a huge part of who i am today. it instilled so many realizations into my mind and heart. having no one to get through a struggle like that was as necessary to me as being a fat kid for a majority of my life. it taught me virtues, and patience, and independence.

i think she'll read the story and be really surprised at where it goes. she hardly knows me anymore.

she said:
you're so different

then i went and picked up jessica peters, someone who has waxed and waned in my life, in so many different elements. we talked about humanity, and people that we've met who are completely random but have changed the way that we think about different things in what little ways they could. intentional, or unintentional, whatever it was. we talked about the situation that was born this year on january 17th, and we talked about moving, and we talked about muses. i read her some of the beat stuff i've been working on. i need more criticism. i want more opinions. it'll come with open mic type deals. i just found out that vintage lounge has one on tuesday. i'm going to sit through a couple and see what they're about.

i think she'll read the story and not feel that i captured the true essence of the psychology of a man in such a position. that, or she'll think i'm clinically depressed, but am always hiding it.

she said:
i'm starstruck.

the night ended with mr. pete galgani at a diner. we ate dinner and talked about music for a solid hour. sometimes i get a little hesitant to discuss that subject with people, but with pete, it's different. he's open minded, and seems more like he's eager to learn than to prove something. i always think that's a great quality in someone. we talked about making movies, and about the NBA, the super bowl, and NHL '06. a group of straight up punk-rock (we're talking The Clash) type kids got kicked out of the joint before they even stepped in, because they had apparently skipped on the bill the previous time they were there. i guess that's what happens if you make that decision. after looking at my pin, he was reminded of a time when we went to the downtown to see Days Away, and how disappointed i was in their performance. this was when i loved them for their pop rock stuff, and they had moved on in a more ambient direction, and decided to spring that on me in person. i think there was a moment on that night where you could literally taste disappointment coming from me. this reminded me of when codeseven dropped off of the show on the downtown... which made me predict their breakup. this made me really sad.

i think he'll read the story, and say, "i really liked it."

he said:
see... i think knowing you is definitely really cool.

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