Sunday, February 12, 2006

not a technicality at all.

all of this snow,
i feel like i'm holding my breath.

there is no escape, no options; no there, only here.
i hate it.

the ultimate escape from all of this heartache has been the ability to independently live in any manner or fashion that i see fit. with this snow, the best escape that i have, the open road, has me completely shut out. it's not impossible, but it's not easy, either. it wouldn't be comfortable at all. it wouldn't be a real escape, worry about the fishtailing, the skidding. all of the thought that could go into planning and creating and dispersing would then be all prioritized into being careful.

what a way to live.

here, i was thinking december just happened to be the month that everyone was doing their thing. rahul sick, dave working, brian shopping, kerry dating, tina living, nicole schooling, carissa disappearing, and me just stranded. flip forward, two months later. still stranded for reasons, some of which are different some of which are the same. i just have a feeling i've overstayed my welcome in so many of my personal relationships with people. i'm not into computers, i'm not in florida, i'm not married, i'm not working all the time, i'm in love but so is she, i'm in new york, and i just can't seem to figure out when's the best time. what's happening here, what have i been doing wrong. where's my interesting stories about "Real" things, what have i been contributing, what keeps anyone ever coming back, when do things start to level out.

i wish it wasn't this simple;
she completed me.

now i have to find ways to complete myself.

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